The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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