peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
