i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
