My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
