My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
