who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
