It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
