i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
