Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
