at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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