Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
