There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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