Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
