Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
