i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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