Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I didn't shave. On purpose
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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