so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
