I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
