He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
