i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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