would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
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She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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