EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
