The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
