btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
