you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
