yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
