Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
