I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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