This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
