Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
