Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
