and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
