I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
