Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
