Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize