Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
