Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
