my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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