mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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