I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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