i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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