Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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