His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
