Can Purell be used as lube?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
