is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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