I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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