Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
