I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
