Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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