I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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