Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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