I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize