is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
