So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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