She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
