So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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