i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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