Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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