i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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