I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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