it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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