Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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