when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
