I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
