Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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