Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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