At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
