Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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