I looked at my own cervix.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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