As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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