i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
