He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
