So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
