she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
