I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
